She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
