when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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