I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
