bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
