You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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