i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
