Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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