2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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