David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
