You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
