We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
