i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
