This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
