as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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