His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
