I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
cat food counts as protein by the way
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
