He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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