dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
