dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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