I think i peed on brittanys purse
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
