Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
BRING THE BAGELS
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
