things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
