i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
