I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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