There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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