If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
