he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
