we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
