Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
