Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
