3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
