how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
