fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
