when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
