I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
