i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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