Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
