yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
