wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She bit a glass in half.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
