I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Randomize
