don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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