A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We left the knife in your bed.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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