saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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