Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
