And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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