Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
