I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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