Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
