She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We just shotgunned beers for America
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
