So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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