I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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