did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
