they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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