Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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