So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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