it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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