Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
