last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
