Capitaan dildo arrescate!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
