yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
