I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
