dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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