No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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