Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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