Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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