smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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