well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
