Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
this is an emotional support booty call
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"