My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences In Dating Men And Women
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
