Are you dead
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys