I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
