The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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