nut hugger
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The feeling are messing with the penis
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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