so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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