I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
