I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
