We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
