I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
