My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
No subtext here. People are naked.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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