I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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