oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
