Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
