READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
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