I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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