I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
