k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
