i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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