He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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