If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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