I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.