Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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