cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
